Amy and I love our children. In fact, we think they are the most fascinating creatures in the world. But it sure is a lot of work trying to civilize those little people. “Maggie, please stop making that chirping sound.” “Bailey, don’t make fun of your brother.” “Andrew, why didn’t you tell us you needed to poop?” It’s as if kids were pre-programmed to create chaos and generally make life difficult for their parents. Recently it dawned on me how much easier it would be to domesticate a wild animal (just name a species) than a human child. And, being an obsessive list-maker, I came up with ten reasons why. So I present that list to you now for your consideration. Bear in mind that these items pertain to various ages, basically covering the age range of our own kids at this time: 2 to 9 years.
Unlike kids, wild animals do not…
1. Have to be taught the value of work and self-discipline.
2. Fight over unimportant matters.
3. Make random noises just to irritate those around them.
4. Say or do things solely for the sake of hurting someone else.
5. Tell lies and fabricate stories.
6. Boast and brag.
7. Grumble and complain, even when all of their needs are met.
9. Try to embarrass others for sheer entertainment.
10. Excrete on their own bodies.
This might seem depressing, but I take heart in the fact that I, too, was once such a savage beast. Somehow my parents managed to tame me, so perhaps we will have some similar success with our little wild ones. May God keep us sane as we try. And may he bless the efforts of the rest of you zookeepers . . . uh, I mean . . . parents out there.