As every parent knows, children say the darnedest things. So the last couple of years I’ve taken to writing down some of my kids’ choicest verbal morsels. Here is an annotated list of the most memorable ones from the past year.
“Don’t give that to me. I’m full-handed.” — Nothing profound or poetic here. Just a funny spontaneous expression from our youngest.
“You can’t be nowhere or do nothing.” — This was a genuine metaphysical epiphany for our little guy. After making this general observation, he proceeded to give illustrations, concluding that no matter what the situation, you’re always someplace doing something. Right on, little man.
“When I hear music I feel like I’m in a movie.” — Perhaps no surprise, given that she’s our little drama princess.
“Sometimes I’m afraid of coffee.” — Interesting. Good news and bad news, I suppose.
“I’m a good fart-holder.” — Awesome, Maggie. And for this, we bless you.
“You need to brain up.” — Sam’s way of saying “think harder” . . . I think.
“My hair looks like a tornado went through a circus parade.” — This was actually a good description of what his hair looked like that morning.
“Government is like a big fat man who won’t move or change his mind.” — As I recall, Bailey uttered these exasperated words after Amy’s pleas to the Fairmount town council for an ordinance permitting chickens within the city limits had been denied. We brought Bailey and Sam to that town council meeting in hopes that they would see how well local government works. Sadly, they witnessed something more along the lines of Bailey’s simile.
“Dad, is God a perfectionist?” — This is just one of Bailey’s recent theological questions. Um . . . let’s see . . . hmm . . . define your terms, son.
Okay, shhh . . . . While she’s not looking, here are a couple of gems from Amy:
“I’m not in the mood for democracy today.” — Uttered on a family trip after I politely suggested that we vote as a family on where we should stop to eat.
“It doesn’t need to be a competition. I just want to be first.” — I can’t recall the context. This was one of Amy’s classic semi-intentional ironies. She really should be a writer.